So i'm looking at this pumpkin..........

and it made me want to blog. Yes yes yes i STILL have my uncarved pumpkin from halloween. Why is it uncarved? Because me and alan never got around to doing that. It hasn't changed at all since i bought it. But yet so much has with me and alan. We broke up for a short while. I called him out on stuff he did and he did the same. But now we're back together and i'm moving in with him next week. So exciting. This Saturday will be a year together. I love him!! Its crazy knowing our plans with each other. God i love him. There used to be a day when looking at rings and talking about children would have scared me but not with him. Oh no not with him. He's so different now in a good way. Makes me so happy. I love love love love love love him.

And even though i'm pretty sure he's the only one who reads this i thought i would still share.

I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!!!!!!!1

MORE!

Something a little lovey-dovey how about

So in a week I'll have been with Alan for ten months. Who would have guessed that would have happened. Its crazy to think that someone can put up with all the craziness i went through and how it affected me so so harshly, yet still love me. Its funny because with all my ex'es i could really give a damn about them. Not care what they were doing but with Alan its like all of a sudden i'm all clingy and what not. It wasn't like that in the beginning but stuff happened i guess.

With him starting his student teaching its both comforting and nerve racking. Its like now i know why he doesn't respond to my texts but its like at the end of the day the talking still isn't what it was. I don't know. I guess with all that has happened its like i crave for that i want to know i'm loved feeling.

But something happened in the past couple days. With him starting student teaching he mentioned something about not having a lunch box. And I wanted to do something nice for him so i said i'd get him one as a yay you did it present. But I asked him earlier in the day if he wanted a hard or soft one. And he replied a few hours later with "Hi hunny." He hasn't done pet names in what seems like forever. But anyways while at target i thought i'd do something special and put some ice packs in it and i found this little red picture frame and thought well hey maybe for his desk at his school i'll put a picture of us in it, thinking that because he doesn't have any at his house. So i gave it to him after surprising him with a visit after school. He liked it; i knew he would. Anyways that night we went to see Avatar after my lesson and there was a preview for a movie that comes out during the summer. And he said that we should see it. And i asked him if he thought we'd still be together then. He gave me this look and i knew i kinda upset him with that statement. But it gave me this new hope about our relationship. And the fact that he never let go of my hand during the movie gave me this huge amount of comfort regarding us. So after the movie we went back to his house and he was packing his lunch for the next day and i asked him where his picture frame was. And i can't remember what exactly he said but it was along the lines of wouldn't you like to know. So i asked if it was in his office in a drawer and he said kinda. So i go into his office and the picture was not only on his desk but it was right by his computer.

So this morning he was in the shower and i thought i would write one of those corny I love you notes on a post-it. You know the kind where your mom would do it and your friends would see and you get all embarrassed and what not? Well i texted him today asking how his lunch was and he said he hadn't had it yet. So later i asked how it was and he said good. And i asked if he liked the note and his reply was "Yes I Did!".

Its like i'm coming to terms that when it comes to what we want in a relationship is different but we love each other so much that we don't really mind the difference in wants. God i love him. Even though we still have issues i love the guy.

At least one good thing is going right in my life =D

Rawr-ness

Well I guess i should start with updating those who have no idea what has happened recently. So I've moved into my grandmas. I absolutely hate it here. Ok yeah its great that i finally have a roof over my head and a bed. But still she drives me insane. Its like all i do here is play cards and watch Soaps. And eat. God this place just gets to me. Its like yeah its all fun and games when you're little and spend the night with grandma because you go back home the next day. But the other night it occurred to me that I don't have that home to go to. Whatever, at this point all i want to do is finish this phlebotomy training and get my own apartment so i'll have that place. Thats all i think about these days. I will say its nice having goals like that. Makes me not want to be such a lazy shit. And with all this free time i do get to practice a lot more which is a good thing.

Tonight i'm coming down with what i think is strep. But i'm starting to think that maybe its just stress taking its tole. I'm almost done packing for myself but there is still so much more packing i need to do and the majority isn't even for me. Blah i hate this. I'd really like some good vibes coming to me. Everyone knows i sure deserve some.